There are a lot of kids that are grieving the loss of a loved one. It isn’t something that is discussed often enough. When this letter landed in my email box from the Experience Camps, a national non-profit organization that provides free one-week camps for children who have experienced the death of a parent, sibling or primary caregiver, I felt led to share the guest post with you.

 

Dear Caring Adult,

This year, you will be working with or caring for a grieving child. Children tell us that there are often well-meaning adults in their lives who don’t really understand what they’re going through, so this letter is intended to give you a small window into what they experience. Here are a few things to know about grieving children:

• Most kids just want to feel normal. Children who have had a parent, sibling or primary caregiver die can feel very different from their peers, and that can be isolating.
• School or community events that require parent involvement can be really hard when a parent has died.
• Even if a death happened a long time ago, the child is still grieving. Grief does not follow a straight path and there is no end. It can flare up at different times of year or may be triggered by a memory.  School assignments related to family or a child’s past can become triggers.
• Grief can make it hard to concentrate. Allowing the child to take breaks, listen to music, or write in a journal may help. You can even ask the child “what helps when you’re feeling sad or thinking about your mom/dad/sibling/etc?”
• Transitional periods and stress can also trigger grief.  A child who is making a big decision may long for the parent who is not there to advise them. A difficult social situation might make them miss a parent or sibling who could comfort them or help them solve problems.

What can you do to support a grieving child?

• Listen without judgment. Grieving children need a trusted adult to talk to and confide in.
• Set clear limits. Grieving children are still children. They find safety in structure and clearly defined expectations.
• Find out what helps. All children grieve differently. Speak with the parent or caregiver or ask the child to find out what they want you to know and what helps them get through difficult times.
• Facilitate connections. Grief can make children feel alone, so try to find ways to highlight shared experiences and similarities with other kids to help them feel connected to their peers.

To learn more about supporting grieving children, there are excellent resources at www.dougy.org/grief-resources/.